KAILEY - 010

About 13 years ago, I met Kailey in college.

We quickly became friends, and I was immediately enamored by her.

During that time, we were both navigating personal struggles, but we showed up for each other as best as we could. We never officially dated then - I knew we wouldn’t work as a couple, but at the same time - I couldn’t shake the feeling that we belonged together. 

We took a photo together in 2014 when she took me out to dinner to celebrate my becoming a licensed tattoo artist. I remember seeing that photo for the first time and feeling both immense joy and sadness. Seeing that photo gave me the same visceral feeling that we belonged together.

Not long after, we both got married to other people, and she moved out of state. We didn't talk for about 10 years. 

After my divorce, I told myself I would never get married again, let alone be in a relationship. I felt so broken, I thought love just wasn’t for me. As I slowly started to make sense of the abusive relationship I had been in over the last nine years, I reconsidered my original statement. If I was to date again, it would have to be the one. I thought I was giving myself a cheeky way out of dating - what were the odds?

Seemingly out of nowhere, I caught myself daydreaming about old memories with Kailey that always felt straight out of a movie. Strangely, these thoughts of her became more frequent. I started to get frustrated that I was just romanticizing that time in my life. I’ll never forget being so frustrated having one of these thoughts. Immediately after, I heard a voice so clearly in my head say: “Don’t worry, she’ll be back.” As if the voice was tired of my shit.

A month later, Kailey reached out to me. 

She was visiting Connecticut for the month and wanted to catch up. She invited me to the place she was staying and asked if she could make me dinner. Neither of us had a clue we were no longer in relationships. 

Not long after arriving at the home she was staying, she brought up that photo of us. Looking at the photo - I remembered everything. I knew what was happening, even if I was hesitant to believe it. 

After that first day back together, those 10 years apart began to make sense.

We spent as many days together during that month as possible. Again, everything felt straight out of a movie. It was so hard to accept that any of this was happening. Life has been consistently difficult, and I have a hard time accepting that things can simply be good. This felt so natural and easy. As we caught up and I learned more about her, we realized we share similar passions and our purposes align. As she told me about herself, she described the person I had always dreamed about and apparently, and unknowingly manifested. 

When we were younger, I never grasped that she loved me, too. I only made sense of it when she explained what I meant to her at that time of our lives, that first night back. Thankfully so - I may have tried to fight for her if I had known. Chasing her would have only pushed her away. I had to let her go, never anticipating that she would come back.

We joked about marriage in the first week of talking, though she understood my hesitancy. I knew she was the one. Six months later, she asked me to marry her, and I said yes. (She would have done it sooner if I let her).

For those 10 years, we navigated individual journeys. We traveled roads both good and bad, which shaped us into the individuals we are today and the partners we needed to be for each other. No matter where we went, our roads were always leading us back to each other. 

We’ve spent the last 10 months taking turns visiting each other, Connecticut to North Carolina. Originally, we planned on moving Kailey back to Connecticut, but it never sat right with either of us, and it was never my intention to stay. I felt drawn to North Carolina in a way that felt oddly familiar, even though I had never been before visiting. 

We will be moving to Asheville, North Carolina, a place that is new to both of us, to finally start our life together. 

The second photo was taken the day before she went back to North Carolina, after our first month back together. The two photos, almost 10 years apart. I have these photos printed out and framed at my bedside. Before I go to bed, it’s the last thing I look at. Waking up, its the first thing I look at. Every single day, I stare at those photos and I laugh. 

I was right.